OSAMA BIN LADEN APPEARS AT LOCAL SCIENTOLOGY MEETING Local Scientologists E-meters went off the charts when Illuminati and Al-Queda Kingpin Osama Bin Laden showed up at a recent meeting and gave a sales pitch hyping his new line of pork sandwiches. Wearing only a “Filthy Animals R Delicious” T-shirt, and a pair of neon orange shorty-shorts, Osama barely blurted out “Capitalism Rules!” and “Long live Xenu” before getting booed offstage. “This is an outrage”, claims Stu Pidman, local scientology leader. “We didn’t come here to listen to that nut. We came to here to have our emotional thetins read and figure out which aliens are living in our bodies. I did like his shorts though. I think L. Ron Hubbard wore a pair just like them when he was making up Dianetics while drinking himself braindead at Bambi’s Bar.