MONKEYS FIRED FROM ZILWAUKEE BRIDGE REPAIR! "I knew we shouldn't have hired monkeys to fix the Zilwaukee bridge!" said Rip Emoph, Bridge Repair Supervisor. "But the orangutans wanted too much money!" Monkey labor is cheap, but one of the pitfalls of simian bridge repair is the poor quality of the work. "It couldn't be any worse than the humans who were supposed to be fixing this thing..." Rip said defensively, "...and the appeal of saving money is too hard to resist for Saginaw's top bananas! They don't care that the work has come to a screeching halt!". New methods are being considered to finish the repair – chewing gum, seances, LEGO. "These seem just as valid as everything else we've tried," states city worker Howie Swindlyuh, "monkeys seemed to be the next logical step." "The taxpayer's have to understand that there's much more to bridge repair than meets the eye. There's standing around and pointing at things, coffee cup holding, sleep training for sign holders, and learning how to adjust to 15 or 16 breaks a day. With monkey technology we plan to eliminate all this. Rest assured citizen's of Saginaw, we'll have you safely going over the Zilwaukee bridge in no time" says repair coordinator K. Lapsing.