ZILWAUKEE BRIDGE DECLARED UNSAFE!!!
(for drunk elephants on pogo sticks)

Although the bridge is safe for normal human traffic, our team of reporters has found that drunken elephants who are trying to pogostick across the bridge...

MAY BE IN GREAT DANGER!
Remember folks, it is safe for humans, butfor inebriated pachyderms who love to bounce use....

EXTREME CAUTION!