ALIENS ARE SELLING MOONROCKS DOWNTOWN
Dear Saginaw Conspiracy,
I just wanted to confirm your “Aliens Selling Moonrocks” story that was posted last month. At first, I scoffed at this ridiculous idea. Then me and my wife decided to test its authenticity. We went to downtown Saginaw last night and found some of these “glassy-eyed aliens” peddling these “moon rocks” right here in our town! Well, their human disguise almost had us fooled, so we started asking ‘em questions only a red, white, and blue American would know. Like, who’s our president, what’s a Dutch Oven, and would you like a Hertz Donut?
Once they fell for that last one, we stole one of their “moon rocks” and took it home for testing. After analyzing it for a day or two, we gave up and put it in the fishbowl with our goldfish Duke. Duke seemed really happy at first, but a few hours later, all he would do is mope around his bowl smoking cigarettes.
That’s not the worst part, from what I’ve been told, the aliens have expanded to Flint and Detroit! We’ll never doubt you again, Saginaw Conspiracy.
PS: Duke is now in a great Detox program, he writes us all the time.