IS SANTA CLAUS WORKING FOR THE TALIBAN? Police in Saginaw have arrested Kristopher Kringle (A.K.A. Santa Claus) on suspicion of playing footsies with the taliban! “This is an outrage!” screamed Old Saint Nick from his frosty cell here at the Saginaw Jailhouse. “You’ve been very bad! Where’s my list! Praise Allah!” “We put him in there to cool off. And we’ve confiscated this ‘list’” stated officer Holly DaBust. “It was a mile long, this guy must have made a million B&E’s in one night! I think he hid a dirty nuke in his cell latrine!” Will the people of Saginaw allow Santa Claus to rot in the slammer because he has a sudden craving for hummus and squid lips? “You don’t fly around U.S. airspace post 9-11 carrying a big red sack, full of who knows what, in our neck of the woods” stated booking sargeant Isaac Hull. “We have to give up certain things in life so we can feel safer. We’re sending him to Guantanamo for some further questioning. If he’s found innocent, he’ll be set free in a year or two. Don’t worry about him, we’ve stocked up on all his needs. They even use the extra absorbant Mohamsays brand toilet paper.” As we probed further we found that his sleigh was impounded, and still waiting to be released. We then headed for the impound lot stopping at a Buck Pole convieniently located outside the lot. We asked “Have you seen anything suspicious”. “I ain’t seen nothing, wanna buy some jerky? It’s so good, you’ll float after one bite!” said merchant Hunter W. Thompson. As we chewed the food by the strange red glowing light on the Buck pole we decided to enter the impound area. There we found an empty sleigh with a note attached. The note read “Dear Santa, I’m starving” signed former Mayor Ham.